Holding Back
by Venus Smurf
Summary: Will Beka choose to stay with Tyr? Complete
1. The Only Choice

A.N.:  I wrote this immediately following the November 8th episode.  I apologize if there are any discrepancies between my fic and the actual show, but I retain the right to twist the characters or events any way I choose.  Tyr, for instance, is just a tad bit OOC in this one…

**Warning:  This is a Tyr/Beka fic.  This will not, under _any circumstances, be a Dylan/Beka, Radhe/Beka, or, heaven forbid, a Harper/Beka fic.  Forget about it.  I enjoy reading fics with those pairings, but I won't ever write 'em.  Tyr all the way, baby!    _**

Just out of curiosity and perhaps for future fics, who do we think is Beka's best friend?  

************************************************************************************************************************************************

"Holding Back"

            It was his own fault, he knew.  He'd thought he'd prepared himself for their first meeting after so many weeks and months, thought he'd prepared himself to look her in the eye and show no emotion, but he should have remembered that he had _never been prepared for anything at all where Beka was concerned.  Even without trying, she had always thrown him off-balance, had always disrupted the control he'd so painstakingly constructed over what little heart he had, and he should not have thought this time would be any different.  Did she know what she did to him, what emotions she awakened within him?  A brief smile tugged at his lips, his dark eyes momentarily lighting with amusement.  Of course she did, he thought.  Beka probably knew __exactly what she did to him, and, knowing her, she had probably reveled in the hold she had over him.  She was not exactly naïve, his Beka, and she would not have missed the attraction everyone else had seen.  _

            He sighed, the smile dying before it had really started.  Three years, he'd been with her.  Three years of fighting at her side, of learning her strengths and her weaknesses.  Three years of learning to care for her, of learning almost to love her, and it had all come down to _this.  He had never, of course, expected his relationship with Beka, whatever it had been, to have progressed beyond the simple flirting they'd indulged in since the day they'd first met, and he'd certainly never expected to make a life with her.  Such a thing, after all, had been all but impossible, and he'd known that from the first.  How could he not have known that anything between them was doomed?  Strong as she was, she had only ever been human, and he was…himself.  He was Nietzshean, the leader of Prides spanning three galaxies, everything that she was not.  There could never be anything between them, and even she had known this.  _

            Yet he still cared for her, still cared about what happened to her.  True, he had abandoned her to follow his own cause, had left her behind with barely a word of farewell.  She hadn't let him tell her how he felt, in the end, but even he knew that he'd never really tried to let her know just how strong his feelings for her were.  He hadn't wanted her to know, to _really _know, that is, because he hadn't wanted to dwell on his love for her any more than she had.  They had no future together, and the might-have-been's would have destroyed him.  Better, he'd thought, that they both be miserable, better that she spend the rest of her life hating him for leaving her than that either of them dwell any more on their regrets.  He'd realized, long ago, that regrets were more dangerous than anything else, and she was already enough of a weakness.

            Then, of course, he'd found her again—or, rather, _she _had found _him.  _It hadn't been an accident, this meeting, though he wished their reunion had not been so quick in coming.  Had enough years stretched between them, he might have come to believe the lies he constantly told himself, might have convinced himself that he did not love her.  He might even have come to believe that he'd made the right decision in sacrificing what they might have had in return for the power taken from the Prides.  He might have, but his undoing had come with that first glimpse of her beautiful, sculpted face, and he had known, in that instant, that he was not willing to live without her.  He was not willing to spend every day wishing she were with him, was not willing to see if this universe would become stale without her presence.  He was perfectly capable of surviving without her, of course, but he didn't even want to try.  She meant too much to him, and he could almost admit how much he needed her.  

            He'd sent her a message, using a ridiculously expensive transmitter that would allow him to speak with her in real time and over vast distances.  He knew he should probably have just relayed his words, but a part of him had to watch her face as he asked her to sacrifice everything--her friends, their trust in her, her mission--in order to be with him.  He'd sent the communicator, and then he'd sat back and waited for her to take the bait and respond.  He didn't have to wait long, of course.  Beka had never been one to turn away from a challenge, and she probably suspected who the message was from before she'd actually activated it.  Beka, after all, knew him almost as well as he knew her, and she had probably been waiting for him to contact her.  

            His half of the communicator beeped, letting him know she was waiting.  He reached out with one long finger to activate the device, and then stood back, his legs slightly apart and his hands on his hips.  Her face flashed over his screen, and he sighed inside.  How could he have forgotten just how beautiful she was?  They'd only been apart for a few months, and he'd thought he'd had every line and contour of her face memorized, but his heart still thudded within his chest as she appeared before him.  Her face, of course, showed little surprise in return, and he knew from the tightness of her expression that she was trying hard to control herself.  She was still angry with him, he supposed, and she would not want to betray her feelings any more than he did.  He schooled his own handsome features into a strong mask, almost clenching his teeth as he tried to keep his need for her from his face.  "Greetings, powerful woman," he began, knowing she would not understand the significance of the words.  How could she?  She was not Nietzshean, and she could not realize that his address was what one of his kind would normally use only when speaking to a respected superior…or to a highly beloved mate.  He waited a moment before continuing, ruthlessly destroying the thought before it could damage him even more than he already was.

            "What do you want, Tyr?" she demanded, face still incredibly stony.  Her eyes, of course, had flickered a little at his greeting, but she quickly forced any emotion from her bright gaze as she waited for him to explain himself.  He could not tell whether or not she was glad to see him, glad to hear his voice as he was glad to hear hers, and he pushed on, knowing he had only a very little time to say this.      

            "I have information, Beka," he quickly continued, not wasting any time on the preliminaries or idle conversation he knew she did not want.  His voice, when he spoke again, was a little more forceful than he'd intended, but he could not ease the intensity of his tone.  This attempt to keep himself from telling her the truth was almost physically draining, and he had never been one to show weakness, even and especially before _her.  "You'll end up on a slave ship," he spat, again not bothering to give the explanation she did not need.  She knew exactly what he was talking about, and the thought, even now, created a bitter taste in his mouth.  "Or Magog food, if you stay on board the __Andromeda."  His voice grew harsher with every word.  _

            "My coordinates," he said, knowing the data would be flashing before her, "where I am waiting for you.  I'll tell you my story," he promised, not giving her a chance to interrupt, not letting her express her outrage over his behavior, over what he had done to her and hers.  "I'll hold nothing from you.  Nothing at all, Beka.  On the bones of Drago Museveni, I give you my word."  

            The message ended, just as he had programmed it to.  He had not dared extend this practically one-sided conversation, knowing he would regret the outcome if he did.  He stared at the blank screen for a long moment after her face had disappeared, wondering.  Did she know just what he was promising?  Her face had been so impassive throughout his entire message, and, for the first time, he had not been able to read her expression.  Did she realize what he was offering her?  Did she know that he was willing to abandon his people's greatest beliefs in order to keep her by his side?  He had meant it, when he had promised to hold nothing of himself back.  Not his thoughts, not his heart.  He would give her all of himself, if only she would come to him.  

************************************************************************************************************************************************

            She did come to him, in the end.  He waited for her in the Collector's gardens, watching her walk across the perfectly manicured lawns.  Even then, as she moved slowly towards him across a place so heavily guarded that even Dylan would have become nervous, he could not detect any hesitance in her step.  She moved with confidence, with an easy grace that he almost envied, and her face lit from within as her sharp, intelligent eyes finally located him.  He began to walk towards her, unable to keep the smile from his own lips as he went to greet her.  "Beka," he murmured, her name almost a prayer on her lips.  There was more affection in the single word than he'd ever shown at any other time in his life, but she knew better than to react.

            They stayed in the garden, keeping away from prying ears as they walked.  She trailed a few steps behind him, eyes intent on the back of his head.  "I'm glad I left _Andromeda,_" he told her, not turning to face her as they crossed a small, wooden bridge covering one of the Collector's many ponds.  "My life is fulfilled now.  Better, in every way."

            She wasn't buying it.  "Dylan knows I'm here with you," she informed him, voice not quite as cold as he'd expected, and he shrugged.  How was he supposed to take that?  He knew she'd always been close to Dylan, knew that, had Tyr himself not come along, she probably would have ended up with their idealistic captain.  Tyr steeled himself inside, pushing away the thought of Beka with another man.  He had never admitted this, and he did not quite admit it now, but he had always been a little jealous of Dylan Hunt.  Their infamous captain may or may not have loved Beka Valentine, but they still shared an incredible bond, a bond in which Tyr could have no part.  Still, while Tyr was almost willing to admit he loved her, he was not willing to admit to so petty an emotion as jealousy, and he shoved the feeling away, knowing he would not get her to stay if he brought Dylan into this more than he already was.

              "It's all part of the plan," he told her instead, knowing she would take his words as an admission that he was using her as bait for Dylan and the Route of Ages.  She was right, of course…he _was using her.  No matter how strongly he felt for her, no matter what his plans for their future were, even Beka could be a tool to further his own ends, and he would not be foolish enough to pass up this opportunity.  Dylan, Tyr knew, would come for Beka if she tarried too long, eyes and guns blazing over Tyr's latest sin.  He and the __Andromeda would fall straight into Tyr's trap, and Tyr would have everything.  He would have the Route of Ages that Dylan protected, would have his victory over his old captain, and, most importantly, he would have Beka.  The universe would be his for the taking, if only he could get Beka to stay long enough for Dylan to find her.  _

            She was still watching him, her eyes sharp and questioning.  He had forgotten how quick-minded she was.  "Yeah," she agreed, and he suddenly realized that she'd heard more than just the unspoken message in his words.  She knew exactly why he had asked her here, but she also knew how much he wanted her for her own sake.  "Are you going to tell me about that?"  

            He could hear the suspicion in her voice, and he finally turned to look at her, instantly hiding the way his breath caught when his eyes met hers.  They were still moving, now crossing to the other side of the bridge.  The gravel felt harsh beneath his booted feet as he returned to the carefully line paths, and he turned away from her once more.  "We're unifying the Nietzshean Prides," he said, and he knew that this was enough of an explanation for her.  As always, Beka would understand what he meant.

            The expected understanding was now etched across her beautiful features.  "Well," she muttered, voice completely free of sarcasm or criticism.  "I'm sure you're the only one who could do it."  She fell silent, waiting for him to speak, but he said nothing more for a moment.  She had such faith in him, even now.  Why did she believe in him this much?  He'd struggled to unite his people, struggled to do what all others had died attempting, but her voice was so casual and matter-of-fact, as if she had expected no less of him.  Would she never doubt him?

            He sighed, stopping and turning to face her again.  "And still," he said, hands automatically drifting to his hips, "it's not enough."

            She grunted, still not showing any surprise.  It was almost as though she'd expected him to be dissatisfied in spite of his impossible accomplishments.  Should he be concerned that she knew him this well?  What was this knowledge of him, if not a weakness, a potential chink in his armor?  Perhaps, he thought, she knew him _too _well.  When had he let her get this close?  "King of the Nietzsheans," she said, a trace of cynicism now pooling in her incredible eyes, "and you still want more?"

            He had to make her see.  "Not _more, Beka," he responded, looking directly into her face.  "__Everything."  His lips twitched in an almost nonexistent smile.  "You want to be a part of that, don't you?" he asked, knowing she would see the question as the challenge he meant it to be.  But would she accept?  _

            "I don't know," she retorted.  "Do I?"  

            He couldn't let her get away with that.  She had to commit, one way or another.  Even if she did not choose him, he could not let her leave until she _had chosen.  Not that he'd ever intended to let her leave…_

            He looked at her.  "Does it bother you that Dylan knows you're here?" he asked instead, deciding to face his greatest worry head on.  Had she already chosen Dylan Hunt over him?  Was she feeling guilty over leaving the man she wanted to be with in order to converse with one even Dylan probably saw as Beka's former admirer?  

            He didn't know whether or not she had caught his second meaning, this time.  "Dylan trusts me, Tyr," she replied easily.  "Go figure.  It's a quality you and I haven't quite figured out yet, have we?"

            He didn't know how to answer that one.  He _did trust her—with his life, with his heart.  He'd thought she'd known that, had thought she could see that his asking her to come at all was a confession of his trust in her.  Still, would it be enough to make her stay?_

************************************************************************************************************************************************

            He gave her time to think, to decide.  They ended up sitting on a stone bench in the middle of the gardens, silence stretching uncomfortably between them.  "All right, I'm going to tell you something," she began, voice finally colored by uncertainty.  She glanced at him, blue eyes lingering briefly on his face before turning back to the hands folded nervously over her lap.  He said nothing, standing over her as she perched uneasily on the back of the bench.  One of his hands was, as always, on his hip, one foot on the stone beside her.  He was just close enough to see the sunlight glinting in her blonde hair, but not quite close enough to make her uncomfortable.  "What Dylan got from that woman…you shot," she continued bluntly.  "It's a message.  They think this message is going to…help them, save them.  So now I have to choose, because there's no other choice."  

            He heard the unspoken _for me.  No other choice for me, _she'd meant.  Was that how she saw it—a choice between herself and him, a choice between what she wanted and what he needed?  Did she think she was abandoning everything she believed was right in order to stay here with him?  She still hadn't looked away, and he waited, knuckles clenching with impatience.  She looked up at him, eyes frank and grave.  "Tyr, I want to be part of what you have.  I'm through with the everyday struggle.  I mean, look at the army you have.  If there's going to be a war, the one to end everything, I'd rather be here than there."  

            Did she know what she was saying?  Did she know that she was choosing him, that there would be no going back?  She glanced up at him, and he knew she had read the question in his eyes.  "It's easier to leave now than later," she replied, silencing a few of his doubts.  Was she so determined to stay that she would not even risk saying goodbye, or was she like him, not wanting to deal with the pain of leaving the only family she really had?

            He could not keep the cynicism from his voice.  He was having a hard time keeping his hope properly quelled, and a little bitterness crept into his eyes in spite of himself.  "Minding the main chance?" he asked, determined to see if she would stand by this.  She had to know just how the others on the ship would take this, had to know that they would only see this as another betrayal.  Was she strong enough to stick by him, even knowing how much her decision would hurt those she cared for?  

             She shook her head, still perfectly able to hear the other questions hidden beneath his words.  "I'm minding my _only chance," she replied, voice and expression so serious that he suddenly knew he would not have to doubt her fortitude in this decision.  Her eyes were sad, her face tense, but he knew she would keep her word._

            Beka was going to stay.  


	2. Deception

A.N.: Okay, this chapter is my version of the 11-15-03 episode (sorry it took so long to get out; I've been busy). For those of you who actually saw that episode, you'll understand why this will probably be the last posting for this fic. I can't write another one unless Tyr somehow comes back. 

Also, I want to apologize if I missed any of the dialogue between Tyr and Beka. I'd taped the episode for the sake of writing this thing, but I accidentally erased the first few minutes of this week's episode and all of last week's, and I can't remember exactly what was said or done. I'm pretty sure I didn't miss anything big, but I didn't want anyone to be confused. 

As always, thanks for reading! Responses to the last chapter's reviews will be at the bottom of the chapter. 

************************************************************************************************************************************************

EPISODE TWO: PART ONE

She'd never intended to stay. He should have known that, should have known better than to think she would. Had he really believed she would abandon her friends so easily? True, she was more than a little in love with Tyr, but he should have realized that she wasn't so disloyal as to just turn her back on the people she'd come to see as her family. They'd stood by her, supported her when she wasn't even willing to support herself. They'd cared for her, put up with her when she was at her worst, and she wasn't about to bail on them when they needed her most. Even for Tyr, she couldn't do that. _Especially _for Tyr, maybe. She cared for the arrogant Nietzshean, but he obviously didn't know her as well as she'd always thought, as well as _he'd _thought. If he had, he wouldn't have asked her to walk away from them. He wouldn't have asked her to be a part of this. 

Not that she wasn't tempted, sometimes. She wouldn't deny that a part of her wanted very much to stay behind, to stick with Tyr and see what would come of their time together. She wasn't oblivious to the attraction he felt for her, and she certainly wasn't going to pretend that the life Tyr had built for himself wasn't at least a little but appealing. He had everything she'd always wanted-wealth, power, masses of adoring lackeys. He had everything, and he'd offered to make a place for her in this world.in _his _world.

Problem was, somewhere along the journey she'd stopped wanting that world. She'd changed, in the years she'd spent with Dylan and the others. Dylan had shown her that wealth and power weren't as important as she'd always thought, and she was no longer willing to compromise herself to get them. She knew, now, that the universe existed for better things, that _she _existed for better things, and she wouldn't give that up for a man who'd betrayed her more than once. No matter what she felt for Tyr, she wasn't willing to go back to the self she'd been, and that was just what he was asking of her. The new Beka could have no place in his world, and she just wished he'd known her well enough to realize it. 

She was going to hurt him, she knew. Betrayal was a way of life for Tyr Anasazi, but she doubted that he really expected it from her. She'd been one of his greatest advocates until now, and he probably thought she would continue to stand by him. She'd promised him that she would, had promised him that she would see this to the end. She'd promised to give him everything that she was, and he hadn't yet realized that she'd been lying through her teeth. She had always been a good actress, and he hadn't been able to see through her, this time. 

Maybe it was for the best. Tyr wasn't the same man he'd been on the _Andromeda_, and she'd been kidding herself in thinking she might be happy with him. He had changed as much as she had, after all, but he hadn't chosen the same path, and she didn't think that change was necessarily for the better. For one thing, the old Tyr would never have killed that woman. Sure, Tyr had always been ruthless, and he didn't exactly have a problem with killing, but she would never have thought he could be so cold as to shoot at a group of people who had once been so great a part of his life. Tyr might not be too fond of Dylan, but Beka had never even dreamed that the Nietzshean would actively try to hurt any of them. What was going on in this man's head? 

Tyr didn't seem quite.sane, anymore. Something in his eyes bespoke a fanaticism that made her more uneasy than she'd been even in the early days of their acquaintance, and she was starting to see how erratic and unstable he'd become. What was he planning? She knew, of course, that he was using her to get to Dylan, but she could no longer predict just how far he would be willing to go, could no longer think he wouldn't hurt those she loved. He'd already killed to get to where he was, so could she really expect him to just let Dylan and the others leave once he'd taken what he wanted from them? This new Tyr obviously considered their exalted captain an enemy, and he would never be content to let Dylan walk away. 

Beka sighed, and she began walking slowly back to the garden Tyr had turned into his own private residence. As promised, her former crewmate had given her free reign of his territory, and she'd spent the last few hours wandering around, poking her nose into as many nooks and crannies as she could find. None of Tyr's men or women tried to stop her, though they'd all continued to watch her movements with confusion and suspicion. They were respectful enough on the surface, of course, but she knew they questioned her presence here. Their leader was the ruler of the Nietzsheans, Drago Musseveni reincarnated, and he shouldn't have been tolerating a human at all, yet here she was. Tyr had given her power over his people, had all but declared her his equal. She'd turned their world upside down, and Beka almost felt sorry for them. Almost. 

Beka groaned, not really all that interested in what was around her, deciding that there just wasn't anything more to see. She'd watched Tyr's men drilling, had watched his people carrying out what few orders he'd given them in her presence. She'd checked his supplies, his ships. She'd even watched his women as they prepared themselves to pamper him.

God, she was bored.

She bit her lip, turning and walking back the way she'd come. She knew Tyr was waiting for her in his pavilion, and she should probably take this chance to talk to him before Dylan or one of the others arrived. They'd be here soon, she knew. Tyr hadn't tried to hide that fact, probably because he was using this as another test for her. He wanted to see if she really could turn away from Dylan and everything he represented just so she could stay with Tyr. He wanted to see how she would tell whoever it was coming that she wasn't going to leave, because that would be the real test for her, and he knew it.

Tyr was waiting patiently for her, perched at a little table outside his tent. He held a glass of some blue liquid in his hand, taking occasional sips from it. The stuff smelled a little too sweet, and Beka fought the urge to roll her eyes as she noticed the two or three young and practically naked Nietzshean women gently waving huge synthetic feathers at him. Another young woman was perched in his lap, popping grapes in his mouth and gazing at him with an expression so adoring that Beka wanted to cringe. _Oh, brother._

She slid into a chair across from Tyr, who sent the woman in his lap away with an arrogant wave of his hand as the challenge rose in her gaze. The feather girls also took a step or two back, moving just out of earshot and not looking very happy that she'd just supplanted them. She could feel their eyes on the back of her head, still appraising her and wondering why the hell she was there. Beka grimaced inside, having wondered the same thing every minute since she'd come here. 

Tyr turned back to her, then, a smug expression on his face. Beka just stared at him, knowing perfectly well that Tyr was putting on a show for her. He was trying to impress her, trying to prove that he didn't need her when he'd already made it obvious that he did. At the same time, she could see that he was waiting to learn of her decision. She'd already promised to stay with him, but she'd never said anything about turning on Dylan, and he'd let her wander around by herself as she thought about all he was asking of her and decided whether or not she could still keep to her word. 

All right, she mused. Time to see if my acting is as good as I think it is.

She didn't bother with any greetings or small talk, knowing that he was more interested in her words and her promise than anything else. "Tyr," she said, cutting right to the heart of the matter even if her words sounded more like an observation than a promise of faithfulness, "if you take the Route of Ages, the Tri-Galaxies and everyone in them will give you their loyalty when the Magog arrive." 

His eyes sharpened, and she knew he'd gotten the point of what she was saying. Still, he had to ask. "Including yourself?" He put his drink down, no longer even pretending that he was more interested in it than in her. His expression was carefully blank, his body motionless, and she knew he was still waiting for the other foot to drop. 

She nodded slowly, smiling a little, and he leaned back in his chair. "Well, then," he said, voice still heavy with sarcasm and mockery, "I _must_ get the star map."

She cut in before he could say anything else, before the silence became too much for her and she did something to betray her true mission. "But you need my help," she said, intentionally making her voice sharp. This was her mercenary's voice, her I'm-not-going-to-be-stupid-and-pass-up-an-opportunity-like-this voice. She knew he'd recognized it, would respond accordingly. "Which means we go fifty-fifty," she told him, trying to sound like she was more interested in cutting a deal than in betraying him.

One of his eyebrows shot up at her audacity. "You've explored all your options?" Still questioning, still doubting. So, Beka thought, she hadn't won him over just yet. Tyr was still challenging her, making her work for this one. Damn, was she going to miss him.

Her smile grew, though it was still fainter than usual. "I'm here with you, aren't I?" she retorted softly, a little sorrow creeping into her voice in spite of herself. _Here, with you, when I should be at Dylan's side._

He made a non-committal sound, deep in his throat, and his eyes were still hard and empty. He wasn't given a chance to say anything more, though, because a slightly high-pitched voice cut into the conversation and effectively killed any chance she might have had to convince him.

"Tyr Ana-sleazy," Harper quipped from a few feet away, and Beka fought the urge to stand up and strangle her friend. If there'd been a prize for bad timing, she thought, Harper would definitely win it. "Living large in the lap-dance of luxury, huh?"

Tyr's face tensed, though he hadn't looked up to see who was approaching. "I'd recognize that whine anywhere," he muttered, and Beka took this opportunity to stand up and get away from the Nietzshean's never-ending scrutiny. "Harper," she greeted, her voice cheery enough to set off warning bells in the mind of anyone but the genius himself. She moved towards the younger man, whose eyes were still uncertainly darting back and forth between Beka and Tyr. Beka smiled a warning at him, but Harper continued to rattle on, not seeming to care that he was flanked by two burly Nietzsheans with ugly-looking weapons and trigger-happy fingers or that he was about to be left as collateral with the very man he was so unthinkingly insulting.

Harper was looking at her as she approached, a question on his face. "Still here, boss?" he asked, clear bewilderment now heavy in his voice. "Sheesh. I would've poisoned him and broken the atmosphere by now." Was he trying to get himself killed? The men at his side would have been perfectly happy to blow his brains then and there, and he wasn't even trying to be quiet.

"Well, you'll have plenty of time to try your luck while I meet with Dylan," she told him, the warning still tightening her features. Harper, of course, didn't see it, but then she'd realized, by now, that he wouldn't. Harper might have been a genius, but that didn't necessarily make him smart. 

"You're not actually thinking of coming back here to stay, are you, boss?" Harper had finally lowered his voice, but Beka knew perfectly well that both Tyr and his stern-faced guards had heard. She turned to glance back at Tyr, wanting to see how he'd reacted to that. Tyr, of course, remained as stony as ever, and even she couldn't decide what he was thinking. He hadn't ordered Harper's execution yet, she thought nervously, so maybe he wasn't going to do anything.

She turned her mind back to Harper's question. Was she planning to stay with Tyr? Not a chance in hell of that, she thought. "We'll see what the future holds." She turned and walked away without another word, not wanting to see Harper's reaction, either. She could only hope that her best friend would understand, or that he'd at least forgive her when-_if_-she came crawling back.

************************************************************************************************************************************************

Dylan didn't look happy with her, when she finally met up with him. His face was completely blank and expressionless, but there had been something accusatory in his eyes that she didn't like, and she automatically became defensive and launched into a tirade against whatever it was he was thinking.

"My life," she snapped at him without turning to see his face, her words an attempt at the explanation he hadn't asked for, "everything I've been part of, my destiny for so long.I'm risking all that."

She spun finally, meeting his eyes with an expression a little too tense. He just looked at her in return, though, and while his face was as blank as Tyr's had been, she couldn't tell what he was thinking. "The question is, why?" he asked, his voice a little too calm and easy. 

She cocked her head at him. Wasn't it clear why she was doing this? Had he really questioned her motives, when she'd run off to Tyr? She'd thought he'd trusted her, by now, not to risk everything they'd worked together to build. She'd thought he trusted her to know what she was doing and not to take stupid chances if she didn't absolutely have to. "Because it's the obvious choice," she said, genuinely startled that he hadn't understood. "I need to see this play out." That part, at least, was the truth. She didn't have to lie to Dylan, not about anything, not even about needing some closure between herself and Tyr when everyone else would have told her to just write the Nietzshean off. 

"He's using you."

No kidding, Sherlock. "He believes I can help him get the star map," she retorted, knowing he wouldn't be surprised at how low Tyr had stooped, knowing, too, that Dylan would see the potential in that, just as she had.

"You _can_.and that's my risk," he said, interrupting her before she could say anything else to convince him. "But I need to know it's significance, and you can help with that." 

She nodded, knowing it was as much permission as she would ever get. Dylan wasn't a stupid man, and while he obviously didn't approve of her choices, he was going to let her continue. Still, he wasn't finished. He pushed away from the wall he'd been leaning against, his voice taking on a little more urgency. "All right," he conceded reluctantly, "if he wants to follow me to the portal, then I will lead him.let him make his move there, and learn what he knows."

She knew what he was asking. "He'll trust me," she assured him softly, knowing he wouldn't make her tell him why she believed that but believing she should for her own sake. "I know that. Tyr and I had an understanding once." She sighed, regret filling her eyes and her words. "Perhaps it should have stayed that way."

His eyes were as intense as Tyr's had been, maybe even a little more, and she suddenly wished she was back on the surface of the Collectors' planet, away from Dylan and the trust he was putting in her, away from the suddenly cold look he was giving her. "Well, if this is about trying to get that back," he said, his voice a little harsh, "then I'm sorry." 

_I won't let you_, he was telling her, and she shook her head, a little hurt that he would think she was like that. "Dylan," she protested quickly, "you've got to trust me."

"Yes," he replied coldly, "but, then again, what are my options?" She couldn't find the words to answer that one, and the silence stretched uncomfortably between them. Then he relented, his face gentling with genuine regret that he'd just hurt her. "Here," he offered, handing her a data pad. "These are the coordinates for our.staging area." He hesitated, but she could hear the tiny bit of excitement that had crept into his voice in spite of himself, an excitement that, had circumstances been different, she might have shared. "From there we head to the Route of Ages." 

"Okay," she responded quietly, not knowing what else she could say. I'm sorry? I wish things had been different? I hadn't wanted to put you in this kind of position?

He pushed past her, moving over the threshold of the nearest exit. She still hadn't said anything, only stared at him with the apology she hadn't voiced as clear as possible on her face. He gazed back at her for a long, tense moment. "Good luck," he told her softly.

************************************************************************************************************************************************

Tyr hadn't moved far, when she came back to him, though she could see that he'd been speaking with someone on a communication screen set near his pavilion. He must have sensed her coming, though, because he abruptly flicked off the machine and returned to the table they'd used earlier. His women immediately surrounded him, the ever-present feather girls moving back into position. Beka tried not to roll her eyes as one of the women reluctantly approached her, offering her a plate of assorted cheeses and fruits. Beka nibbled on a piece of cheese just to give herself something to do, watching silently as Tyr reached out and popped a bit of flat bread into the mouth of the nearest woman, then took a bite of it for himself. He looked up as Beka walked closer, a disgruntled expression pasted on her face. 

Tyr still looked smug. He spoke through his mouthful of food, waving a hand almost negligently towards the woman practically sitting in his lap. "My life is comfortable now," he said, probably not even realizing that he was repeating something he'd told her earlier. Then his face changed, becoming a little more serious, a little less certain, and he glanced away from the Nietzshean woman, maybe realizing that his attempts to impress Beka weren't working. "And I suspect that may be the only reason you want to be here."

She didn't miss a beat, though her heart was actually aching for him. He sounded so much like a little boy trying to be brave rather than vulnerable.. "Gotta tell you," she replied easily, pretending she hadn't noticed the change in his voice for his own sake, "it doesn't hurt. As a matter of fact, putting my feet up is how I intend to spend my future." She paused. "If you don't kick me out."

He'd turned back to the woman, his face now so indifferent than she might have wondered if she'd imagined that single moment of vulnerability. "Do I have a reason to?" He wasn't even looking at her, though she knew he was listening to everything she said.

His games were finally beginning to get to her, to make her angry when she was trying so hard to stay calm. "Should I stay with you," she retorted, not willing to let him get away with that, her hands drifting to her hips and irritation creeping into her voice, "or should I take the _Maru _back to the _Andromeda _right now?" She hadn't even had to fake the jealousy in her voice, though she knew exactly how this was going to end. 

_That _caught his attention. "What would you like to do?" he asked, and she thought he sounded genuinely interested. A wave of surprise nearly overcame her as she realized that what he was now asking had absolutely nothing to do with the way he was using her. Did he honestly want to know what _she _wanted? He leaned over, whispering something into the woman's ear, and she left them. 

"I would like to make up my mind, Tyr. It's very difficult if I don't know what you're thinking."

"Trusting me is something you'll have to come to on your own, Beka," he told her, unwilling as ever to concede but sounding a little angry at last. Was she finally getting to him? 

"You could give me a sign," she retorted, moving closer to him. "Even a remote one. Are you going to let me be part of this, or not?"

His eyes were so heavy. "_This_," he snapped back, "is _me._ Are you asking to be a part of me?"

She looked away, her gaze losing focus and finally unable to keep the emotion from her face as a sudden understanding struck her like a load of bricks. Why hadn't she realized, before, that this was _exactly _what she was asking, that this was what he'd been offering all along? Everything he'd done since she'd arrived had been his way of showing her what he was willing to share with her. He wasn't being childish, after all. She looked back at him. "Yeah," she said, surprise still in her voice. "I guess I am."

"Because.?" he prompted. "I'm the only friend you have left?"

He was teasing her, trying to lighten the mood, but she wasn't having any of it. "_You_ asked _me_ here," she snapped, disgusted. "I'm a person, Tyr, with feelings and frailties, you know? You want to run the universe or whatever it is you think you were born to do, memorize this: it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. _That's _something you could have learned from Dylan."

She would normally have felt silly, spouting off a saying as trite as that, but his eyes hardened. "Don't compare us," he ground out, anger flashing over his face. She didn't care, though she wondered, a little, why he now seemed to hate Dylan so much. Did it have anything to do with _her_?

"It's hard not to," she snapped, fed up by the emotional rollercoaster she was always on when he was around. 

He just looked back at her, a confession in his eyes. "There was a time, Beka." he began softly, then stopped. "But a great deal of time has passed."

"What do I have to do to get you to trust me?" she wondered aloud, her confusion clear in her face when he just stopped speaking. Once again, he said nothing, but she saw the truth in his eyes. It shook her to the core, but she'd been preparing for this moment from the beginning, and she was able to accept the knowledge without backing down from it. She steeled herself, suddenly pushing herself to her feet and moving towards the tent. "You can go," she said to the nearest woman, a world of meaning in her words.

The woman didn't respond to move away, but Beka was past the point of caring. She stepped into Tyr's tent, knowing he was watching her, knowing what she was doing to herself. She removed her jacket, then reached wordlessly back to untie the bands at her neck. Her clothing all but melted from her body, and she tried not to show how tense she was, because she didn't want him to suspect why she was really doing this. She waited for Tyr to follow her, hoping he would so she could at least know she hadn't humiliated herself for nothing. If Dylan could see her now, she thought, moving further into the tent and taking this one chance to look around. 

Oh, God. His bed cover was a leopard print. How unbelievably _tacky_.

****************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************

**TO THE READERS:**

**TriGemini**: Thanks for the compliment! Obviously, I agree with you. Beka and Tyr really are great. Too bad I can't let them stay together in this one, right?

**MaryRose**: Yeah, I didn't like the Tyr that episode depicted either. I tried to downplay a little of that in this fic, but there was only so much I could do. Oh, well. And, hey, I may be a big Tyr/Beka fan, but that doesn't mean I don't love other pairings, too. Frankly, I'm good with any pairing, at least as long as I know the characters. Know any good ones I should check out?

**WashoopiCandi**: Great name, by the way. I love it. Sorry it took me so long to get this part out. I'll try to work on the second half of this episode sooner than the last. Keep reading!

**Iara**: Thanks for reading! 

**Natta**: No, Beka would never abandon her friends. Keep reading, and you'll find that I agree wholeheartedly with your opinion.

**Sassy_chan**: As always, it's a pleasure to hear from you. I always look forward to your reviews. You made some wonderful points, as always, and I agree with each and every one of them.

**Gotmilk**: Also a great name. Very funny. Thanks for answering the question about Beka's best friend. As you can see, I used your opinion, even if it was only in passing. Thanks. 

**New York**** Hope**: I wish I had that finale taped. After watching the last couple, I'm so frustrated I could scream. What were they thinking, to kill him off like that? He's the entire reason I watch the show! I plan to keep writing Tyka fics in spite of that, though, and I'm definitely not going to make Tyr into a bad guy in them! Thanks for reading! And, hey, since you obviously know a lot about this show, any pointers for me? I could always use tips!


	3. Consequences

A.N.:  Well, this turned out to be a longer episode than I'd thought.  I ended up having to split the chapter into three parts, partly because I had to add some of what I thought was missing in the actual show.  Still, who'd have thought there'd be so much in one little hour long episode?  

************************************************************************************************************************************************

EPISODE TWO: PART TWO

She didn't know what she'd expected her actions to accomplish, when she'd first walked into Tyr's tent.  She'd known this would change everything, of course, but she hadn't been able to predict whether or not the change would be in her favor.  Would this make Tyr finally give her the complete trust she needed to betray him?  Or would he doubt her even more, thinking that she was being a little too willing?  She was practically selling herself here, and even thought this was what she'd wanted for the past three years, she still couldn't decide if the goal was worth the sacrifice. 

She waited for him, standing in all her nude splendor by his bed, still questioning the wisdom of her own actions, but at least he didn't make her wait long.  He followed after only a moment, though his face was still a little too blank for her comfort, as though he continued to doubt her sincerity, even now.  She stared back at him, face hesitant but determined, willing him to accept what she offered without any more questions.  And he did, at least for a little while.  He moved forward, coming to stand just in front of her but not actually touching her yet.  His eyes became a little more intense as they traveled down the length of her body, and she felt herself tensing even more.  She felt…awkward, vulnerable, and she hated that.  

Then she looked almost hesitantly up into his handsome face, all her doubts disappearing as she saw the real desire in his eyes.  He reached out, running surprisingly gentle fingers over her cheek and jaw line, and she finally succumbed to the need within herself.  She closed the distance between them, pressing herself to him and going up on the tips of her toes to kiss him.  Her lips moved gently against his, and as he returned her kiss, she forgot everything else.  Nothing mattered to her but the man holding her--not the mission, not the future, not Dylan or the damned star map.  She lost herself in Tyr's embrace, and for a little while, she was actually happy.

It hadn't lasted, though she'd never really expected it to.  All too soon, Tyr was pulling himself away from her, sliding out of her embrace and off the bed they'd just shared.  He began pulling on his clothes, and she sighed and sat up, pulling the bed cover loosely over her body.  She watched him as he pulled on his clothing, watched his face to see if he regretted leaving her like that.  His eyes, though, were just as blank as ever, and she had absolutely no idea what he was thinking.

She picked idly at the leather band she'd been wearing around her neck earlier that day, not really looking at him.  "So," she said, "now might be a good time for one of those blunt but truthful Nietzshean comments."

He wasn't wasting any more time.  "Where is the _Andromeda_?" he demanded, voice as clipped and professional as if they hadn't just spent the last few hours in bed together.  

"Why is that portal so important?" she immediately countered, a little put off by his dismissal of what they'd just done but not willing to show it.  Maybe, she thought, she could at least get a little more information out of him before she started the real deception.  

He looked down at her, his expression assessing and then suddenly softening, and she wondered if he actually did trust her more, now.  He reached down, taking the band from her and almost tenderly slipping it back around her neck where it belonged.  She swallowed, regrets piling on top of regrets in her heart as he pulled away.  "Because without it," he answered gently, "all of this would die.  Everything.  The Magog ship is close, only months away."

"_What?_"  A chill ran down her spine at this unexpected and unwanted bit of information, and she suddenly found herself remembering exactly why she was doing this, why she was planning to betray a man she honestly loved.  How had the Magog ship gotten this close without her knowing, without _Dylan _knowing?  It was a death sentence, if they didn't find a way to stop it, and it changed everything.  "The last time we saw it, it was more than a year away."

He gave a soft murmur of agreement.  "The swarm will arrive before the Commonwealth can muster a resistance," he explained.  "The war will be quick, decisive.  I can survive with my power intact, contain the abyss…after it destroys the Commonwealth."

So that was it.  Tyr planned to let the Commonwealth destroy itself fighting the abyss for him, and then, when their enemy was weakened enough, he'd move in and finish them both off.  The Commonwealth would be gone, and the universe would be his for the taking.  She should have known he'd come up with something as ruthless and cold as that.  "But you need the map," she said, finally understanding why he'd gone to so much trouble to get it.  "Who else knows how close they are?"

"Besides those who told me, the Collectors…no one."

She looked away, a little stunned by both his information and the fact that he was telling her this at all.  "Two months," she muttered, gasping a little with the implications of it.

His voice cut into her thoughts.  "That's nothing," he said, "nothing at all.  So….if you can help me get the map, we can keep our world from being destroyed."  

_Our _world?  Did he still want her to be a part of it, after he had what he wanted from her?  She sighed inside, knowing that he'd finally accepted her, knowing that his trust would make it even harder to turn on him.  "But the portal, what does it do?"

His turn to look away, though his expression remained somewhat lighter than hers.  Then he turned back to her, a little humor in his eyes.  "_You _do not need to know that," he told her, voice retaining the old arrogance.  "Yet."  

She smiled a little at his tone, not bothering to protest.  "So, we're in this together?"

"Yes, we are in this together."  He, too, was smiling faintly.  "_If_ you tell me the coordinates to the _Andromeda_'s initial jump point."

"I'll do better," she said, leaning over to kiss him.  She pulled away after only a moment, hating herself.  "I'll take you there."

************************************************************************************************************************************************

He stood beside her on the _Maru_, one hand against the pilot's chair as she took them out into space.  He was watching her movements closely, and she could almost feel the tenseness of his body.  She wished he'd just sit down and not make her so nervous, though she was grateful that he trusted her enough not to bring any of his men along.  Perhaps he'd just remembered how cramped her tiny ship could get, but she thought it might also be a sign of his renewed trust in her.  

They could see the _Andromeda _through the view port in front of them, and Beka waited, knowing Dylan would try to lose her.  He wouldn't be able to, of course, and he probably knew that, as well, but he would still try.

Tyr's voice was urgent as the blue lightening streaks of a slip stream portal appeared and Dylan's ship started to twist towards it.  "She's focusing GFG's," he warned.

She nodded, having seen for herself.  "Got it," she muttered anyway, knowing Tyr wouldn't look away from the screen long enough to see.  She pressed a few buttons on a nearby panel, setting her own ship in motion.  "Here we go."  

The _Andromeda _bent and shifted, looking suddenly less real as the portal drew it in, and Beka quickly maneuvered so she could follow.  The entire ship jolted for a moment as it entered, and then Beka grinned.  "They let the Nietzshean pilot," she laughed.  "Lead in his pants, of course."  She glanced at Tyr, the smile quickly dying.  "No offense," she said.

Tyr didn't answer.

************************************************************************************************************************************************

The path through the slip stream was getting harder to follow, and even Beka was struggling to keep her ship in one piece.  She couldn't even take her eyes away long enough to glare at Tyr when he said, voice thick with superiority, "Don't lose him.  The _Andromeda _is our only path to the Route of Ages."

She would have hit him, if she'd just had a free hand.  "This is getting difficult, Tyr," she snapped.  "I could use a little support."  He put his hand on her shoulder, his sarcasm fairly permeating the air around them.  "Thanks loads," she muttered, wishing she could at least roll her eyes.

************************************************************************************************************************************************

The slip stream didn't want to let them go, but Beka heaved a deep sigh of relief when she could finally pull away from the piloting gear and let the ship stop.  The relief didn't last long, though, and she stared out the view port, eyes widening a little as she took in the light show dancing in front of her ship.  There was a…cube in front of her eyes, made of what looked like little blue lasers.  It danced and shifted in her vision, like some of the cheap entertainments she'd seen during her travels.  It would have been creepy even if she hadn't known what it was actually for.            

Tyr quickly moved to check the data readouts from the nearest panel, then stepped down beside her once more.  "That, dear Beka," he said, not noticing how her expression froze at the greeting, "is how we will win the coming battle.  The portal offers a method of entering and exiting the Abyss, weakening it without getting caught.  Many millennia ago, it was used in just that way.  As we came here," he continued, "I deployed drones alerting my forces.  Soon, they will be here, and I will take the star map—the key to the Route of Ages."

She felt cold inside.  "And then you and I go fifty-fifty, right?"

"You and I together, yes."  Something in his voice didn't sound quite right, and a thousand little alarm bells started going off in her head.

"And Dylan?" she asked, hesitant.

"He dies."

She'd been afraid of that.

************************************************************************************************************************************************

Tyr didn't give her long to contemplate her choices.  He took a quick moment to check out the ship, make sure nothing had been affected by their little trip.  Then, once he knew everything was as it should be, he ordered her to open a channel to the _Andromeda_.  She did as he asked, though a knot of fear was already forming in her stomach.  Still, she sent the signal through without saying a word, watching mutely as Tyr angled the screen so Dylan wouldn't be able to see anything but the Nietzshean's face.  Beka craned her neck a little, the knot increasing as Dylan's cold eyes flashed on the other side.  

Tyr's voice was colder than Beka had ever heard it, but she forced herself to see the hatred in his eyes, knowing it would help her, in the end, to do what she had to.  "The map is all I want," Tyr all but snarled at Dylan, making Beka cringe.

Dylan didn't seem affected at all, though his eyes were just as frozen as Tyr's.  "I want to talk with Beka," he said, scorn coloring his words.

"She is with me now," Tyr immediately retorted, the challenge in his voice almost enough to make Beka angry.  What was she, some sort of prize?  

"Prove it."  Mockery in Dylan's eyes, now, and Beka felt herself getting a little irritated with him, too.  If she had been anywhere else, doing anything else, she'd be shaking her head at the testosterone levels in this conversation.  As it was, she was all but quaking inside, knowing that the moment of betrayal was finally here.

Beka sighed, stepping down so she could be seen on the vid.  "It's true, Dylan," she said, voice emotionless.  "I'm with Tyr."  She could see the disappointment in Dylan's gaze, and she couldn't help but wonder if he was actually disgusted with her, or if this was just a part of the act.  "For one reason only," she continued suddenly, pulling her weapon out and activating it.  She pointed the thing at the back of Tyr's head, knowing she would probably never forgive herself for what she was doing.  "_Only_ one."  Tyr froze, hearing the sound of her gun powering up, hearing the chill in her voice.  She looked over him at Dylan, keeping her weapon steady in spite of the shaking in her soul.  She could sense Tyr's disappointment in her, could sense his genuine sorrow, and she found herself thinking that his anger would have been easier.  

Dylan, of course, remained as expressionless as ever.  

Beka's voice was still hard, containing just a little triumph over the fact that _she_, lowly smuggler-turned-Commonwealth-officer, had been the one to outsmart the greatest Nietzshean ever to live.  "Dylan," she quickly said, all business, "the portal is a way to control the abyss, and you've got to get out of here.  The entire Nietzshean army is headed this way to destroy you."

"Beka," Dylan began, concern finally in his voice and heavy in his eyes, "make sure—" 

She didn't give him a chance to say anything, knowing she didn't have time.  Tyr was probably going to try and kill her soon, and she had to get this out before he came after her.  "Listen," she cut him off, "the Magog are close, only months away.  We don't have as much time as we thought."

"We'll get you out of there," Dylan promised, though they both knew how impossible that promise would be to keep.  Tyr wasn't going to let her go anywhere, not after she'd betrayed him.  Maybe Dylan was just trying to ease his conscience, but it wasn't helping her any.  She'd made this decision for herself, of her own free will, and Dylan's empty promise couldn't change that.  

"You'd better hurry," was all she said, deciding to put a good face on what was probably a death sentence to her.  She'd known what she was getting into when she'd started this, and she honestly wasn't going to wait around for Dylan to come rescue her.  They both knew she was the only one who could get herself out of this.  "I have one _angry_ Nietzshean at the end of my barrel."  _Angry_ being the greatest understatement of the century, of course.  Maybe 'sociopathic' might be more accurate?

"Not angry," Tyr ground out, then, cutting off the communication with one swift movement and turning to face her.  There was something in his voice that had turned even Beka's insides to jelly, though she kept her gun hand steady.  To weaken now, she knew, would be her death.  "_Disappointed_."  He took a step towards her, and panic flashed over her face.  He's going to kill me, she thought suddenly, genuinely terrified.  She'd never seen Tyr look like this…

She was pointing her weapon smack dab between his eyes, surprising herself with her readiness to shoot him.  The insanity in his eyes had convinced her, more than ever, that what she was doing was necessary, and she knew how important stopping Tyr was.  Still, she was still more scared than she had ever been in her entire life.  "I'll do it, Tyr," she warned as he took another step towards her.  Then, knowing she'd be stupid to wait, she pulled the trigger.

Nothing happened.  She gasped, staring at her weapon in blank, uncomprehending astonishment.  She pulled the trigger again, part of her hoping that the first time had been a fluke.  Again, nothing.  

"I rendered that inoperable," Tyr told her calmly, that something still in his voice but now muted with what seemed like honest regret.  

Beka felt an echo of his unnatural calm moving through her as she looked into the face of the man she'd once loved but who would very likely be her killer.  She dropped her arm, waiting for the inevitable.  

Tyr didn't disappoint.  He lunged at her, moving with more swiftness than any man had the right to possess.  She tried to move out of his reach, but she wasn't fast enough to do anything but throw herself out of the way of the main force.  He caught the edge of her body, tossing her against one of the ship's consoles.  She hit hard, feeling the air rush out of her lungs from the impact.  Still, she didn't waste time trying to regain her equilibrium.  She looked down at the console, knowing Tyr would need a second or two to regain his balance before he could come after her again.  She stared down at the panel, her mind frighteningly clear as she stared pushing buttons.  The ship instantly went into a tail spin, systems overheating all over the place.  Sparks started flying from the walls, and she wrapped one hand around the edge of the console to keep from flying.

Tyr was still behind her, hanging on to one of the ladders leading to the next level of the ship.  "You will not stop me!" he shouted at her, laughing with a sort of mad glee.  He seemed almost to be enjoying himself, and there was no sanity at all in his voice anymore.  Beka just kept pushing buttons, doing everything she could to keep Tyr off balance, knowing perfectly well that she was going to die.


	4. Aftermath

A.N.:  Well, here's the last bit.  This fic is pretty much finished, at least unless Tyr comes back or something more happens with Beka and the abyss.  We'll see, though.    

Just to stave off a few questions, I left the end of this a little open.  I had to, you see, because the show hasn't exactly ended yet, has it?  That little bit of the end is just a snippet of my theory on what will happen in the future of this series.  

Feel free to send any questions or comments my way, and don't forget to review!  Thanks for reading!

************************************************************************************************************************************************

EPISODE TWO: PART THREE

She didn't know how she survived, in the end.  The ship had been flinging itself everywhere, twisting in every direction without any pattern at all, and she'd been more than a little prepared for a crash.  Tyr had been behind her the entire time, laughing at something only he could understand…and then everything stopped.  The ship had calmed, and she spared one quick glance to the vid screen, trying to determine where she was.  The outside looked like some sort of cave, though she couldn't even begin to guess where they'd ended up or how they'd gotten here without becoming just a smear on the surface.  The Route of Ages could have taken them anywhere in the entire galaxy.

And then Tyr was behind her, a gun in her face, and she'd stopped caring where she was.  It didn't matter anymore, because even if she'd held one tiny hope that Dylan would somehow save her, she knew he'd never find her, now.  She was in Tyr's hands, and she didn't even want to think about what he was going to do to her now.

At least Tyr had stopped laughing as he pushed her towards the exit, letting her see the bleakness of the world she was going to die on.  He dragged her outside, still waving the gun in her face, and she took a moment to look around.  The place was…ugly.  No other word for it, really, because there was nothing here but lifeless dirt.  Fog massed around her feet, coming from nowhere that she could see, and he shoved her out of the cave and over to some sort of cliff.  Far in the distance, she could finally see a few plants and things, but there was nothing that could help her escape the madman she was with.

She looked over the edge of the precipice, straining her eyes but unable to see to the bottom.  What, did he plan to push her?  This wasn't how she'd always thought she was going to die.  She would have expected to meet her end in some heroic battle, fighting for all that was right in the universe…or at least die fighting for some sort of treasure that would make her richer than any one human had the right to be.  She'd certainly never imagined she'd die at Tyr's hands, plummeting to her death on some godforsaken world she'd probably never heard of.  At least, she thought almost tiredly, she'd die before she had to hit the ground.  She wouldn't have to feel the impact of her body against the earth.

Not that it was much comfort, of course.

She looked out over the cliff again, feeling just a touch of vertigo.  Far below, hundreds and hundreds of miles beneath them, a light glimmered like a small fire.  She stared down at it, wondering how great this force had to be to be seen from this high up.  Was this, she wondered, the abyss they'd been fighting for so long?  How could they fight something like this, if it was?

_What was Tyr doing?_

Tyr held her at the very edge, looking down at the flames of the abyss.  "Darkness!" he shouted, anger clear in his voice, the word too much of a greeting for Beka's comfort.  "I am lost!  Did you bring me to this spot for a purpose?"  God, Beka thought, had Tyr _known _he would find the abyss here?  Had he been in league with it all along?  "I am leader of the Nietzsheans," Tyr continued to shout, "the reincarnation of Drago Musseveni!  The last of the Kodiak, Tyr Anasazi!"  There was challenge in his voice, madness in his eyes.  His grip on her shoulder was painful.  "Do you hear me?  I came here by accident, no way out!"  He shook Beka, making her teeth rattle in her head.  "Except for _her_!  She will bring you Dylan Hunt!  In return, you will get me out of here alive!"  

Beka was tasting bile, by the end of Tyr's little tirade.  It's ironic, she thought, that she could find complete certainty in what she was doing only as she was about to die for it.  Had Tyr always been this insane?  She didn't turn to look at him, though she was still wondering why he was bothering.  She had nothing, she knew, that would make her valuable to the abyss, so why was Tyr offering her in exchange for his freedom?  The abyss didn't want her.  It didn't have any reason to.  

He'd sure as hell gotten a response, though.  Something was growling in the fire under their feet, but Beka, strangely enough, didn't feel scared.  She'd already accepted that she was going to die, and it just didn't matter to her if Tyr pushed her, shot her, or fed her to whatever it was that was beneath them.  She only hoped her death would be quick, and that she wouldn't be forced to linger, or to become something else, maybe a servant of the abyss.  She just wanted to die, get all of this over with.    

The abyss was coming towards them, now, a glowing mass of flame and smoke and red lightening.  It had taken on the outline of a man, strangely enough, but Beka was beyond being surprised.  She simply stared up at it, an odd warmth spreading through her as the red whatever-it-was reached out what passed for its hand.  It stroked her cheek almost tenderly, ignoring the man beside her, and she didn't even feel Tyr letting her go and stepping away.  She could only gaze up at the abyss, something inside her snapping as she felt its touch.  

************************************************************************************************************************************************  

She didn't know what happened, after that.  She was staring up at the abyss, one moment, and in the next she was standing beside Tyr, listening to him rant at Dylan.  There was a haze over her mind, and for some reason she didn't even care enough turn and look at Dylan…or to save herself…or even to blink, really.  She just stood there, letting Dylan and Tyr argue while she went off into whatever la-la land the abyss had sent her mind to.

"Dylan!" Tyr shouted.  "I know you're nearby!  Here she is!  I'll give her to you, and you'll give me the map!  Come and get her, captain!  Show yourself, if you dare.  We'll see how insolent you are the next time we meet."  He still hadn't let go of her arm.

Dylan was beside them, suddenly, appearing in a flash of red light, holding his charged force lance at Tyr's temple.  "That'd be right about now," Dylan said, mockery as clear in his voice as the madness had been in Tyr's.  

Tyr wouldn't back down, threat to his life or not.  "You can't kill me here," he snarled, scorn filling his words, fingers tightening on Beka's arm.  "I made a deal with the abyss!"

"Well, then you're already dead."  Dylan held up his free hand, and a pair of handcuffs suddenly appeared in his fingers.  "And these cuffs won't hurt a bit."

Dylan moved behind Tyr, letting Harper and Rhade cover him.  He jerked Tyr's hands behind his back, stupidly getting caught off guard as Tyr suddenly jerked his head into Dylan's skull.  Dylan stumbled back, and Tyr dropped Beka and ran.  She crumpled to the ground, as though unable to hold her own weight without Tyr beside her.  She still wasn't blinking.

Tyr was on the edge of the cliff, now, running towards the gap almost as though he planned to jump.  Did he think the abyss would save him?  Dylan, though, was prepared, and he pointed his force lance at his former friend and fired.  The blast caught Tyr in the back, sending him plummeting over the edge.  The Nietzshean twisted his body around as he fell, managing to grab onto the ledge at the last minute.  He held on for a few seconds, showing surprising strength as he began to pull himself back up in spite of the gaping hole now in his back.  Then, before Dylan could even react, the rock Tyr was holding broke off, unable to support his weight, and he took the fall Beka had thought would be hers.  His screams didn't fade away for a long, long time.

Beka couldn't feel anything as her lover died.  Later, she would grieve, would hate herself for her part in this, would hate Tyr for his weakness.  Later, she would face what Tyr's death meant for her, but not now.  She was still caught in whatever hold the abyss had on her, unable to think.  

_Beka, escape the darkness. _

Trance's voice, in her mind, reaching into the deepest part of her soul and trying to drive out the abyss.  The small part of Beka that was still aware was laughing a little, scornful of the idea that sweet, mysterious little Trance could fight against something like this.  Didn't Trance realize that she was wasting her time?  The abyss wasn't going to let Beka go, not for any reason.  

Dylan was kneeling beside her now, pulling her into a sitting position in his arms.  She gazed up at him, not really seeing him at all.  He shouted her name.  "Beka!  It's me, Dylan!"  She didn't know who he was, didn't even care to know.  

_Beka…_

Harper was looking at them both, panic in his eyes.  "Boss?  You okay?" he demanded uneasily, clearly wanting to get away from this place, clearly more worried for her but still worried for himself.    

Dylan didn't try to answer the question in Harper's voice.  "We need to get her back to the ship," he said, searching her eyes for some sign that she was still there.  He didn't find any.  

Rhade wasn't even looking at them, but then he hadn't known Beka for very long and wasn't as concerned as the other two men in her life.  His eyes were riveted on the space where Tyr had fallen only an instant before, though he wasn't looking for the lost Nietzshean.  "Look!  It's turning black," he warned, staring with hard eyes out into the nothing as a thick cloud of dark smoke started roiling towards them.  __

"Don't look at that!" Dylan ordered almost angrily.  He turned back to the woman he was holding.  "We need to think of the _Andromeda.  _We're not here," he told Beka.  "We are on board the ship."

"On the command deck," Rhade added, obediently not looking at the dark mist approaching them, though his thoughts were obviously on nothing else.  

"Right," Harper said, catching on, "uh, with Rommie."

Dylan helped Beka to her feet.  She stood, though she was still too trapped in her mind for the gesture to be anything but an automatic response to the way Dylan was pulling her.  He put his hands on either side of her face, turning her so she would have to look at him.  "Beka, Beka," he called to her, his voice somehow reaching through this thing muting her thoughts.  "Focus," he begged her, fear for her in his eyes.  "Focus!"

_Focus…_

Beka wouldn't know, later, if it was Dylan's voice that had pulled her out, or if Trance was somehow helping.  Maybe she'd pulled herself out, and trance and Dylan had only gave her the last bit of strength she'd needed.  Whatever the reason, she found herself staring back into Dylan's eyes, recognizing him for the first time since the abyss had touched her.  She muttered his name, wondering how he'd gotten here.

"There you go," he said, relieved by the sudden understanding in her gaze.  He'd released her face by now, though his hands had only moved to her shoulders rather than letting her go completely.  He seemed unwilling to pull away, or maybe it was just because he knew she might still fall if he wasn't there to support her.  "Together we can control this," he told her, renewed confidence in his face.  "Think of the _Andromeda_.  Think of being back on board the ship."  

What?

_Beka, you are already here.  You are already home.  _

Beka looked up at Dylan, confusion in her eyes.  "Trance," was all she said, and then they were gone, carried back to the ship in another flash of light.  Trance's voice in her mind hadn't stopped.

_Come back to the light.  You are safe._

And she was, because they were back on Dylan's ship, standing in the same positions they'd been in before.  Dylan's hands were still on her shoulders, and she stepped back, the confusion as strong as ever.  "All present and accounted for?" Dylan asked, not really taking his eyes from her for more than a second or two.

Harper glanced around.  "Almost," he said, still sounding a little uncertain.  "There's no accounting for Rhade."

Dylan shot a quick glare at Harper for his flippancy, but his eyes held more patience and relief than real annoyance, and he was soon looking back at Beka.  His eyes were intense, searching.  Beka stared back at him, not knowing what to say, not understanding what had just happened.  How had Dylan found her, rescued her?  She should have been beyond his reach, but then again, nothing ever seemed to be beyond his reach, even her.  

Trance was beside her, now, a genuine smile on her gold-tinted face.  "Beka?  Welcome back," she said, reaching out to wrap her arms around Beka in a brief, heart-felt embrace.

Beka's eyes held the smile she was still a little too dazed to show with her lips.  "This place never looked so good."

Dylan was still watching her.  "Well, you never looked so good in it," he said, catching her eyes with his.  

Again…what?  

Beka stared at him, not knowing if he was flirting or if he was just relieved to have his second-in-command back.  Well, whatever, she thought.  It was enough, for her, that he cared at all.  It was probably more than she deserved, after everything.  "Thanks," she responded uneasily, trying not to sound as unsure of herself as she felt.  Thanks for saving me, thanks for risking yourself to bring me back here, thanks for forgiving me even though you'd made it abundantly clear that you hadn't wanted me to go with Tyr in the first place…  

The captain was still watching her, perhaps hearing the words she hadn't spoken.  "You put yourself on the line of fire for all of us," Dylan told her softly, warmth in his gaze.  _I had to return the favor_, she knew he was thinking, because that was just the way Dylan was.  

She wasn't ready to talk about that, or about what she'd done with Tyr.  "Yeah," she muttered, suddenly wanting to put a stop to this conversation before it went any further.  She wanted to work out how she felt about everything before she tried to explain it to Dylan, and maybe he knew that, because he let her go when she said, "Now, let's get the hell out of here."

"Good idea."  He nodded at her, still with that warmth in his eyes, and they both moved back to their positions.  Beka felt a small smile growing in her as she resumed her place at the pilot's station, just glad to be here with Dylan and not on the _Maru _with Tyr…

"The _Maru _has just returned to its hanger," Trance was saying, satisfaction in her voice.  She looked almost slyly at Beka.  "It's because you wanted it there," she told the other woman.

Beka should have been surprised by that, but she wasn't.  "It's nice to get what you want," she said.  Would have been nicer, she thought, if she could have had the ship and Tyr both…

Rommie spoke up, then.  "We've got forty-eight seconds to reach the portal," she warned them, bringing their focus back to more important matters.

"Beka," Dylan called, all controlled urgency once more, "She's all yours, and move fast—something's growing down there."

She didn't need to be told twice.  She'd seen that thing as up close and personal as one could get, and even if she could barely remember or understand the experience, she still didn't want to repeat it.  And yet, she couldn't pull the ship away.  The black cloud was spreading across the entire surface of the planet, but the ship wouldn't respond to Beka's commands.  Rommie, of course, had noticed it, too.  "Force from the planet is slowing us," the dark-haired avatar announced, not offering any useful suggestions to stop the pull on the ship.

Trance stepped in, then.  "Everyone," she began suddenly, voice urgent, "let go of your thoughts.  Cling to nothing."  

They tried.  Beka closed her eyes, trying to empty her head.  Something was stopping her, though, still holding her back as the ship was being held back.  Whatever it was, the force was not quite strong enough for her to recognize it, and so she said nothing, did nothing.  She just kept trying to empty her head, unaware that she was fighting this thing within her.

"According to my calculations," Rommie interrupted, "we're not going to make it in time."

Thanks, Rom, Beka thought tiredly.  Way to cheer everyone up.

The planet was gone, now, replaced by a star field made unusual by the half-familiar, glowing blue cube that was the Route of Ages.  A tiny ball of flame danced within it, spurring Beka into action.  "Well," she snapped.  "You're calculations are wrong.  We've got to get out of here."

She didn't have to explain.  The rest of them were feeling it, too.  "Give it more, Harper," Rhade commanded.

"There _is _no more!" Harper snapped back, sounding scared. 

Dylan wasn't saying anything.  He was just staring at the screen, as though willing the ship to move faster.  The ship jerked and spun, trying to get into the cube before the flame came after them.  They jerked again, and for a moment they thought they'd made it.  The ship crossed through the first blue lines, the ones that should have activated the Route of Ages taken them somewhere else, somewhere safe…

…and they didn't go anywhere at all.  They were still in the same space, but now with the abyss getting closer, reaching for them.  "Well, if time does exist here," Dylan muttered, "I think we just ran out of it."  He sighed, sounding as grim as they all felt.  "Perfect."  

************************************************************************************************************************************************

Nobody knew what to say or do, how to react.  They just stood there in stunned silence, listening to the small sounds of the ship's computers.  Finally, though, Dylan glanced over his shoulder at Rommie.  "Rommie," Dylan said, "are telling me we can't find another way out of here?"  He didn't sound at all resigned to their fate, did Dylan, and Beka took some small comfort from the fact that her captain was still fighting.  If Dylan hadn't given up, she knew, they still had a chance.  

"According to the Route of Ages encryption," she answered calmly, "the portal on this side has never been achieved after missing the initial revolution."  

Harper and Rommie were probably the only ones who understood all of that, but Dylan got the gist, at least.  He turned back to glare at the screen, frustration on his face.  "Great," he muttered.  He glanced at Trance, obviously hoping the strange girl would have a suggestion.  She only looked back at him, something the rest of them couldn't understand haunting her features.  Dylan's face hardened.  "Clear command," he ordered suddenly.  "Everyone but Trance."

"We never get to hear the good stuff," Harper complained, but he immediately turned to leave, most of the others following without protest.  

Dylan didn't react to that.  "And Rommie," he added, "I want complete privacy."  

Beka stared at Dylan, not as quick to depart as the others.  Did the man have something up his sleeve?  What would Trance have to do with it, if he did?  Beka wanted to demand answers, wanted to know what the hell Dylan was up to, but she said nothing.  She simply turned and walked off the bridge with everyone else, a little frustration in her eyes.     

They stood in silence for a few minutes, waiting for something to happen.  All of them were dying to know what Trance and Dylan were going to do, but nobody was willing to question the captain or to risk his anger by going back inside before they had permission.  What was going on in there?  And then the something that they were waiting for actually happened, and there wasn't really time to react.  Beka felt it first, since she was the only one facing the door leading into the command center.  Liquid flame started leaking through the door, melting the center and coming towards them.  They threw their hands over their eyes in an automatic gesture of self-defense, but there was nothing they could do to stop what was happening.  The flames washed over them, enveloping them.  It was like being caught at the heart of a volcano or a small sun, but at the same time it must have been something else entirely because how did they know what the heart of a sun would feel like?  

The flames danced around them, erased them and remade them, killing them at the same time that it brought them more fully to life than they had ever been.  There was nothing, now, but this golden heat, but the flames of this mysterious fire, burning away their cores and leaving nothing but the purest essence of themselves.  

Then there was Beka.  It was different for her, because she wasn't just herself at the moment.  She hadn't been, really, since Tyr had given her to the greatest enemy she would ever had.  The abyss had done something to her, had left a piece of it inside her mind even though she might have thought Trance hadn't gotten rid of it when she'd called Beka back from wherever it was she'd been.  The flame washed over her just as it had the others, but there was more of her to remake, now, because it had to get rid of the thing that was inside her, as well.  A battle was raging inside her mind, the flame and the abyss each trying to remake her as they wished her to be.  The two forces ripped through her thoughts and through her mind, the force of their opposition making her head jerk around almost hard enough to give her a concussion.

The two forces disappeared suddenly, leaving more and less of Beka then there'd been before all of this had started.  The flame was gone, having won most of the battle, but Beka could feel a small bit of the abyss still inside her, sleeping until the flame let down its guard and it could creep free again.  She wasn't completely aware of it, though, and while her eyes were still a little too empty, she could start looking around with the others, feeling the same confusion they were feeling.  As far as she knew, the flame had done nothing more to her than it had to Harper and the rest of her crewmates.  For now, until the abyss crept back out of her mind, she was the same as everyone else.

************************************************************************************************************************************************                   

Dylan never did explain what had happened, and Trance had never been one to give up her secrets so easily.  Both of them refused to say anything at all about the events on the command center, and nobody ever knew Beka's own secret.  The ship was free of the abyss, and as that was really all that mattered, things could go back to normal.

Beka tried very hard not to give herself time to think.  She didn't want to examine her feelings, to remember what had happened in these last few days.  She didn't want to think about Tyr.  She busied herself, instead, in helping Harper repair the ship.  She wasn't a mechanical genius like her friend was, but she was perfectly capable of doing some of the grunt work, leaving Harper free to concentrate on more important tasks.  She spent this time as far from everyone else as she could get, avoiding human company because she knew her friends would want her to talk out her feelings.  Beka knew she could talk to them, knew she could trust them with what she had done, but she just wasn't ready.  Finally, though, the repairs were almost completely finished, and Beka found herself standing next to Harper, completing the last few tasks at her best friend's side.

Harper, at least, didn't seem to hold grudges.  He'd completely forgiven her for running off to Tyr, even seemed to understand why she'd done it even if she didn't completely understand for herself.  He spoke to her as easily as he always had, confiding in her as he might have with the sister he saw her as.  "I've got to say, boss," he admitted frankly, "even breathing the same air as Tyr so as to trick him goes above and beyond the call.  Let alone…"

He didn't finish, but then, he didn't have to.  She tried not to sigh.  "Well," she murmured, still not wanting to talk about it, still not sure how she felt, "nothing good comes without a price."  A price she would probably feel for the rest of her life, one she was still trying to weigh against the results.  Would it ever be worth it?  

"I suppose," Harper responded.  "Well, in the end, it turns out there was no good in Tyr.  Kind of disappointing, really.  He paid the price for it, though.  For good, thanks to you.  I hate to think what might have been, boss."

She chuckled humorlessly.  "I saw you there," she quoted softly, sadly, slipping back into her regrets.  "I saw you then.  The saddest words—what might have been."

Harper was watching her, a little concern in his eyes.  "So," he finally said, startling her.  "Fifty-fifty?  Huh?  Partners, like always?"

"What?"  What the hell was he talking about?  

"Come on," Harper coaxed.  "Come on."  She just stared at him, not understanding.  "Come _on_…King of the Nietzsheans?  You must have seen Tyr's stash.  His booty?  He must have a hoard, I saw some of it.  We can--"

She electrocuted him.

"Just kidding, okay?" he shouted, the last traces of electricity dancing through his veins.  "I was kidding.  Just a joke.  I was joking, just joking."  He paused.  "Sixty-forty?"

She cocked her head at him…and electrocuted him again.

"Seventy-thirty?"  Harper really didn't know when to give up.

Once more, then, with the electricity.  

"Ah!  Okay, okay!"    

Thank God for Harper, Beka thought.    


End file.
